I've said a lot, but they're not enough:

I love you Daddy
Last Day with Dad
A Song for Daddy
Thank You from the Sanchezes.

Daddy, you are loved!

Ang Hindi Malilimutang Bigote by Marian
I Cried by Hobbes
Let the Tears Flow by Xaris
In Memory of our Pastor Bob by Pat
A Tribute to Our Great Pastor by Ninong Dave
Pastor Bob's Last Night by Ninong Dave
Goodnight Pastor Bob by Ninong Dave

Thanks, everyone. Reading your blogs brought me (and my family) an enormous amount of comfort and joy. Thank you. I'm sure, somewhere up there, Dad's smiling and reading our blogs too. P.S. You posted something about my Daddy too but it's not here? Let me know.

Have you ever hated yourself for something you just can't stop doing/feeling? When you come to that point when you suddenly want to be anyone BUT yourself, how do you deal?

Whoever's humming to the tune of "wake me up when September ends" has got just a few hours left. Good bye sad song, your season is over. Off to cheerier, giddier, more optimistic Christmas carols. I've never felt more excited to hear Jingle Bells again.

I'm just glad I didn't have to sleep through September. Inspite of the quarter life episodes and the strikes of depression here and there, September turned out to be an exciting month after all. More so, September was a month of investments. Lemme see. There's the big career move. There's meeting new people and being reunited with an old colleague (specifically, him who has been a mentor of sorts). There's the unnecessary spending, no thanks to those newfound online shopping sites, and St. Francis trips with Aster (the housemate).

And then there was the looong brownout, a first in a long while. And the friggin storm that left all of us all shattered, hassle-d, and feasted on by mosquitoes. Oh, and of course there are things that are beyond blogworthy. So let me just keep them where they should be. In here, right here. *points to heart*. Ohh muuuush, please swallow me alive. Gah. :)

As for my state of (emotional) calamity, I say, it's getting more stable now. Fartalot is right. I just happened to be somewhere "in-between" at the time of that controversial post (one which earned not only overwhelming comments but text messages as well). So hey, I'm a-okay now. There's a lot of moving on and letting go happening, but I realized that I need them to grow. c",) Obviously, I'm not really in the mood to be all ranty and bloggy today. I just didn't want to let September pass by without a post, nonsensical as it may be. That's just about it. :P

(But just in case you want more of me)

I lost count of the number of times I said I'd blog more often. Not that I counted. But er, haha. I want to (blog), really. But you see, sometimes, pictures speak louder than words. So if you wanna get visual, fly by. c",)

It's times like graveyard shifts when emotions rage like whoa and brain cells function at a rate waaay below normal. The urge to rant, be emo, and be creative to compensate for the lack of brainpower, is just too loud you have to heed its call. Right now, it's the heart's turn to play. Ergo, the new layout

..and a post that's screaming EMO. (But hey, no, I didn't make this layout just tonight. It's a month-long pursuit, but because there were more urgent things to do, finishing touches had to wait til 2 hours ago). So, what are we waiting for. Let the credits roll.

Run Away With Me : Version 4 I'll look back once in a while, I promise

• Because I decided to remain loyal to my "pink streak"
• Because I'm an advocate of chucks love
• Because exactly a year ago, God took me places
• ..and now He's taking me even farther
• Because maybe, just maybe, this is it
• ..and I want to take the extra steps to see for myself
• Because the "risk to remain tight in a bud is greater than the risk it takes to bloom"
• Because this week's graveyard shift is gona be the last

I know I'm talking (er, blogging) in riddles. But hey, can you blame me?, it's graveyard shift. c",) Brushes. Converse. Caffeine. Merci. Edit. Even I got lost in my riddles. WHICH ONES am I pertaining to again? Haha.

..the pink bed (I was so proud of) becomes cluttered with junk too--much like my bed in Caloocan. Pfft Less than two weeks into this apartment life and I'm already sharing my bed with colored papers, pens, notebooks, cords, and all those little thingies I busy myself with before I sleep.

Then again, I can't deny the fact that my little nook in Ortigas is starting to feel more and more like home. Must be the mess.

The other day I was giving my friend instructions on how to reach the apartment. After 30 minutes of trying to explain to him, using the usual Ortigas landmarks (Megamall, Shang, Julia Vargas, etc.)--I gave up. Now this genuis of a friend had a brilliant idea.

With a little help from a packet of ketchup, table napkin, left-over fries, and other things that were available at that time, we mapped out the yellow brick road to Oz. *Clap,clap* :) So, wanna see our pad? Figure the map out. :P Happy weekend everyone!

Whatever it is that's happening in my life now (Year Twenty Three, ehem) is so far from how I imagined it to be.

I've always dreamed of going to boarding school since the day I discovered that the world is not flat, and that it extends farther than the four corners of my room. Always wanted to drive myself to school/work without being too dependent on my brothers, who are deprived of choice when it comes to Daddy's spoiled little girl. Always dreamed of independence, of having TO TRY to cook my own food (I'd welcome instant noodles and canned sardines anytime), and of having TO PAY for my own laundry (because I won't be able to do them myself hehe). All these were but dreams. Plans that didn't materialize because I wasn't ready yet (or my parents didn't think I was, that's more like it! haha). Or maybe because I was too spoiled a brat, or too much of a weakling that I needed brothers to drive for me, or my Mom to cook for me, or my Dad to decide who (and when) I am to date or not (oh yeah. haha). Then again, maybe I strived too hard to get out of my cage when my wings were still not strong enough to take me to places. The answer has always been NO.

Until I stopped thinking too much about it and working too hard to get what I want. Suddenly, the idea presented itself at a time I didn't think I needed it so badly. So before I get too dramatic about the BIG NEWS I was talking about in my previous post (which ain't that big anyway since it happens to normal people all the time), my parents finally allowed me to move to Ortigas on weekdays and share an apartment with Ate Normi (along with three other lovely, lovely ladies). It was a surprise, I have to admit. Daddy and I discussed about it just last Friday, and before I knew it, I was already packing my stuff Sunday night. Freedom, you say? Independence? That's one way to look at it. :p

Dad, however, wants to think of it as "OJT". A trial period of sorts. I guess that's one of the reasons why he (and Mom) finally raised the white flag and found peace in deciding that moving to Ortigas (closer to work) is the most reasonable option for me at the moment. While the move would cost me monthly rent of a few thousand bucks (at least that's far better than paying for gas, which is double the cost) plus Meralco and Nawasa bills, sharing an apartment with boardinghouse-veterans gives me FREE training in stuff I didn't get to learn at home because life was made too comfortable for me. Like washing the dishes, and keeping my room clean, and checking if the doors are locked, and well, you get the drift. I was assigned to wash the dishes last night, by the way. And while I don't really LIKE washing plates, forks and pans, I LOVE the idea that I'm actually doing it. :)

So there goes the BIG news. Mommy and Daddy's little girlie is now exploring, not only the streets, shortcuts and turo-turos of Ortigas, but the simple joys, the complexities, the occasional homesickness, and the wonders of week-long independence as well. But of course you can still find me in Caloocan on weekends. After almost a week in Ortigas, I'm starting to miss my messy room in the lalaland of mustached-smileys. It's good to be missing Caloocan, for a change.

Wanna (take a peek at PINKerland?)

I love my roommates. I love that I open my eyes in the morning and see PINK. I love that I can wake up at 5:15 am and still get to work on time. I love that I can render extra hours at work and not worry about the traffic and the long trip home. I love that we don't have a computer (yet) in the apartment, I get more time to rest and do other non-techie things.

So hey, I said this to some of you already but I'm saying it again. I know I'm not good at dealing with change, but I'm embracing this particular change with arms (and eyes) wide open. This month is going to be a whole month of adjustments so if you have time, say a little prayer for this giddy Ortigas girl, wil ya? Thanks. :)

I want to blog and I only have a few minutes. So I thought, I'd blog without being too OC about the coherence of my sentences. So I set my mobile phone to alarm in 10minutes.. that way, I'd know when to stop typing.

You see, the idea came from this this book, Writing Without Teachers, which I happened to unearth from a Books for Less Store somewhere here in Ortigas. It's an interesting book. I bought it, hoping to improve my writing skills--and what do I get, a lesson on freewriting, and an excuse to write jibberish and get away with it. The book, by the way, is written by a guy named Peter Elbow. Haha. I wonder how he feels, having "Elbow" for a surname. It must be weird carrying that name all your life, knowing that you're going to pass it on to your kids when time comes. Yay. Oh well.

I'd google the title of the book and the name of the author and link them right here so you know what I'm talking about but I can't really navigate away from this page because that would require me to stop typing. You see, in the book, Mister Elbow encourages his readers to freewrite--meaning, to write nonstop, without pauses--not even to correct wrong spellings and grammar along the way. And well, even when you find yourself at a loss for words, such as NOW. See, here goes one of those mental blackouts. I don't know what to type anymore but I can't stop to think of what to type next and I have to keep on typing even if I don't make sense and the sentence is too long already. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. I'm couting, er, I mean counting, while thinking of what to type next. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Still no thoughts. Twelve. Thirteen. Ohhhh!! Yeaaahhh!!! I remember!! I have good news!! :)

But er, haha, the alarm just rang on me, so I have to wrap this up haha anubaaa. I have some good news, though, really. Something I've been wanting to happen ALL MY LIFE is about to come true. Like, REAL SOOON!!!! Like, NEXT WEEK!! Ha! But then I thought, this blog is too messy already and my ten minutes is up so I should make a separate post for that tonight. Or tomorrow. Or the next chance I get. So there. Til next blog. :P Whew.

My eyes literally well up with tears (ugh, I've been such a crybaby lately) when I saw Trisha's blog about the recently concluded Hillsong Conference in Sydney the other day. For the nth time, I got sentimental over the "dream" again, having realized that it's almost 3 years already since I first started praying to go to Hills for their annual Praise and Worship conference.

Around this time last year, I held my own quiet time of worship in my room with my guitar, thinking that somewhere oceans away and Down Under, thousands of people were worshipping the same time I was.

Friday night, I did it again. (But not with the guitar this time coz I just had my nails done and I didn't want to ruin my French tips haha anuba segway). I put my Hillsong United playlist on, and as I sang my heart, God once again reinforced this simple truth that whether I am singing inside the Superdome with thousands of Christians from all over the world, or in the confines of my room by myself, He is right there, listening and taking pleasure in my worship just the same.

Two Sundays ago, we were at Balic Balic, an urban poor community along the rails. Some representatives from our church's Praise and Worship team went there to hold a P&W workshop among the youth leaders in the area, and we had some real quality time of praise and worship with them until late in the evening.

It was overwhelming. Singing without the usual microphones and amplifiers we've grown accustomed to at church, our voices joined with everyone else's--amidst the heat of the afternoon sun, and on top of the occasional passing of trains that shake the whole place up like mini-earthquakes. College and highschool students, some English-speaking missionaries from California (who, I'm sure, didn't understand most of the songs because they were in Tagalog), and young people from the poorest of the poor--everyone raising their hands, dancing and singing with so much joy for Jesus. Haay. It was a lovely, lovely sight. I'll never forget that Sunday afternoon. It's mindblowing how God doesn't care where we are, what language we're using, whatever voice we have--He simply looks into our hearts and finds pleasure there.

So yes, I wasn't able to go to the Hillsong Conference this year. Once again, God has a better plan in mind. And whatever His plan may be, it's becoming sweeter and lovelier with each year that passes. c",)

I know, I know, this blog is super outdated. You see, for the past days, I decided to do myself a favor and get in touch with the normal way of journaling for a change. On the second thought, isn't blogging the normal way of journaling now? Hehe. Oh well. What I meant was, I went manual--I decided to give my Starbucks journal some creative lovin' after months of collecting dusts on my bedside table. One time I even brought her (I meant the journal) to Gloria Jean's and spent the whole afternoon writing.

I feel disloyal. Like there's something wrong with bringing a
Starbucks journal to Gloria Jeans. Heh. Oh well.

Kuya Ric says my blog is teenybopper. Pfft. Wait til he sees my journal. Hehe. It's a juvenile blend of colors and stickers and pictures and messy scribbles and sentimental garbage in the form of table napkins and receipts and movie tickets and candy wrappers. But so what, (I kind of like it that way) c",)

Oh, and have I mentioned that I'm loving my new (er, it ain't so new anymore hehe) mobile phone? I do, I do. Now I get to camwhore all day everyday to my heart's content. Ahh, simple joys. :P

Edit. And because my journal has found itself an audience, I uploaded more ARTwork here. ;)

So hey, it's graveyard shift again for me tonight. I decided to handle this whole graveyard thing maturely from now on and not say a single thing that's remotely similar to a whine. Hehe. I'm gona enjoy this week. Actually, I'm kindof excited, really. And I'm not just psych-ing myself up. :)

Have you noticed how days and weeks pass by so fast? The week has just started and before we all know it, it's payday again (yayness!) and it's happyhappysunday again for all of us. Maybe that's what happens when you make it a daily habit to take off your loadful of worries and anxiety and simply enjoy life as they come. See. I'm learning. c",)

I had a dream last night. There's this little boy tying his shoe laces, clad in a red shirt with a big cartoon character printed up front. I was watching him nearby, amused. Tapos, when he finished tying, he looked up to me, smiled and said, "Are you video-ing me again Tita Wheeeeezaass?" I tell you, it was the cutest thing, red cheeks and all. :) Then he ran away excitedly towards his mummy and daddy. I continued watching, wondering why the boy looked so familiar. Then I found myself smiling again. The little (peanut) boy ran towards you and Kuya Niks. :)

Because sisters are not only born, there's such a thing as inlaws too
Because I can call you "ate" even though I'm older by two months
Because my brother became a better person when you came to his life (hehe)
Because you have a way of making people appreciate the simple joys this life has to offer
Because you're born to make a difference Happy Birthday Ate Normi! I (and my family) superthank God for YOU! :)